One of the most difficult parts of losing weight is having to treat the symptoms of the problem without understanding the real causes. Some of the underlying issues of my weight problem could not be realized untill I began to lose the weight. The physical part of it is easy to understand. I got fat because I ate to much, moved too little and was apathetic to the consiquenses. I had no idea mentally why I kept getting back to that place though. One of the problems is I was, in a way, self obsorbed. Not in a conceded way, but in a way that I was in a constant state of reassurance. In order to cope with the obvious fact that I could’t function as a normal person because of my size I had to build myself up many times just to go out in public. That constant focus on self is lonely.
As I have found confidence and admiration for myself in this journey, I no longer have to think about me and how I look and what I can or can’t do because of my weight … Is that chair going to hold me? If it does will the arms let go of my fat butt when I stand up? When I walk up the stairs, will people notice the heavy breathing? Is the Big&Tall going to have any affordable t-shirts that don’t have the slogan “Big Dog” on it? And when you are heavy, there is an extra vigulance that has to take place with grooming, how you walk, how you eat… There is just soooooo much to worry about it makes me exausted thinking about all the things that would subconsiously go through my head on a daily basis.
I am reminded of a story my mom has tould me on a couple occasions about a couple girls she went to elemtry school with. I am going to call them Jill and Debbie. Between my mom, Jill and Debbie, Jill was the only one who wore glasses. One day Debbie thought it would be fun to try on Jill’s glasses. To her astonishment, she could suddenly see birds in the trees and the individual blades of grass by her feet. It was like the world was a new place. Untill her vision was corrected, Debbie thought she understood what it ment to see.
Sean recently posted “Sometimes, you must work on the solution before you can correctly identify the problem.” What an inspired truth. I started out losing weight without any real understanding of the mindset that got me to a monstrous 524 pounds. These past couple weeks I have felt like Debbie looking through those glasses for the first time. It is awesome. I see things I didn’t realize were missing from my life. I can’t wait to discover even more along the way!