I always thought that as I got thinner, the closer I got to my goal, the more motivated I would become. I think I let my success corrupt my brain a little because I find myself slumping.

I have accomplished a lot since I started and there is no reason to stop now. During brief moments of insanity, I even find myself saying that I am happy with my weight where I am at, just as long as I am not SUPER FAT. Sooooooooooo dumb. Blame it on the weekend vacation up in Logan, blame it on the December weather we got over the past couple days now that it’s almost May but that crap is not in my control. My attitude, commitment and drive ARE something I can control.

Time again and pull up my big boy pants and do it just because it’s what I should be doing. Losing 300 pounds is not always fun or exciting. Just like kids, it’s a lot of hard work, patience, practice but sooo worth every tear drop and every drop of sweat.

I know Allan, “ze plan! ze plan!” Sorry for the totally obscure Fantasy Island reference. But every time I hear Allan talk about “the plan” that is all I can think of. Tracking calories, going to the gym, constantly telling myself not to eat this, telling myself to drink more water …. I am exhausted mentally. I thought that these things were going to somehow meld into my day and take almost no thought after a while. In some ways I guess it has but still…

No drastic fails or big giveup here. A lul in commitment and a relaps in apathy. Most days I can get myself motivated but once and a while I just need someone to shove me outy the door to the gym.

Please stay tuned as I reboot my brain.


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