How I Almost Died Getting In A Miata

About 5 yeas ago I worked at a car dealership. I was not at my peak fatness then but I was still not the svelte image of fitness I am striving for nowadays. No, I didn’t wear the checkered golf pants and white shoes the stereotypical “Slick Willie” car salesman wears bit I did sell cars.When you are a portly man and you sell cars, you hope customers you get are interested in conversion vans, SUVs, full size cars and the like. Let me tell you the story of how I almost died getting into a car. Yea, getting into the car not getting into a car …. accident.

Let me start this story by informing the public that all cars are not one size fits all.
Case in point, the Mazda Miata. When I was at the dealership, this guy who only stood about 4″11 walks in the door and says he wants the cheapest midlife crisis car we have. We ended up looking at tiny 2 door coupes. Everything was going great until the test drive. I attempted to enter the car, which in reality, probably weighed less than me at the time. The left foot and leg entered and I get my left butt cheek on the seat. I proceed to duck my head, as I sunk in backwards into the car. With┬áchin┬átucked between my moobs (man boobs), I leaned back to sit in the seat and abruptly stop with my head lodged between my moobs and the top of the door frame. It’s interesting, the things that go through your mind when you begin suffocating while lodged in the door frame of a Miata because your too fat.
“I hope the guy doesn’t notice I’m stuck” turns into “This is embarrassing” turns into “Um, I really can’t breathe.” turns into “Holy crap I’m gonna’ die stuck in the door frame of a Miata.” I started to have visions of the fire department using the jaws of life to extract my dead, fat body from the human sardine can.

While I still have a long way to go, I am glad to say I no longer fear the small car. Yesterday we got our new car, a Honda Fit. It’s a great little car. It is actually quite big inside. I can even put on the seat belt. Now I can say I already got Fit. Why didn’t I think of this sooner. Buying the car is much easier than actually getting fit.

We wanted a Honda Pilot but this is what we could afford. Think I need to get a license plate that says something like FAT2FIT or GETNFIT or even just GET FIT.

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