Dear Stinky-Guy at the gym

Dear Stinky-Guy,

You look like you are a very determined person. Your workout is methodical, simple and you exert maximum effort in each exercise. Your gym attire is appropriate (no package displays like Look-At-My-Junk-Guy) and you don’t moan like a wildebeest when you are lifting weights. But …. we need to talk about something.

Do you remember when you were growing up and your middle school teacher gave free sticks of deodorant out to the class. Or do you remember when you started to get hair in funny places on your body? Before middle school, you may have played all day outside and the worst smell you would accumulate in the process would be something you stepped in. Now that you are a big boy (40 at least) there are extra precautions you need to take to make sure you do not become overly odoriferous.

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt so I like to think┬ámaybe you just forgot to put on deodorant this morning and you couldn’t get deodorant from the $1 store in the same strip mall because you gave your last $1 to an orphan child with no hands, or maybe you have some sort of medical condition that despite all the deodorant & antiperspirant, overpowers all man made creations by OldSpice, Gillette, Degree, Axe…

If the above assumptions are incorrect. Then in that case, COME ON!!! I know you can smell yourself because I watched 2 different people enter the 10 foot stink bubble around you unexpectedly and almost hurled their last 3 meals. It’s rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate. Please, please, PLEASE next time you are getting ready for the gym, realize that your deodorant is the most important thing you will put on! And NO, cologne is not a substitute for deodorant. I have a hard enough time getting to the gym without having to worry about a guy getting on the machine next to me that smells like a burning tire with month old cottage cheese in it….

There, I feel better now ­čÖé Am I a mean person?

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