Catch 22

What do I do when I am not at work? Honestly, it was always about the next meal. I think when most people think about things that excite them they think of places to go, people to see and activities to do.

I got into a rut where the best thing I had going for me after work was dinner. In so many ways the only thing I would look forward to was the next meal. Special dinners at family’s house, eating out… Special occasions became more about what I was going to eat at the occasion than the occasion itself. Writing that now sounds so messed up.

I used to play guitar and fill my time with music. I have a passion for fishing and the outdoors. I love playing with my kids at the park. Here is the thing, I have gotten to the point where everything I love to do is so difficult because of my weight I almost don’t even want to do them. Playing guitar is hard to do now, even holding it is a struggle. The last thing I want to do is sink someone’s boat fishing or be exhausted from walking to the mouth of the trail I want to hike. Playing at the park with my kids now consists of me sitting at a distance while they play.

I want to use the things I love to help me lose weight but my weight prevents me from doing them. I just with I was going in for surgery this week!

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