Just feel so discouraged, angry and frustrated. My wife and I planned out healthy meal options for the next week, made a grocery list and went over to Wally*World tonight. We got some lean cuts of meat, fish, some whole wheat pasta, veggies, fruit… It was the first time we had been shopping in weeks and I was feeling really good that we were trying to set ourselves up for success in the cumming weeks. No crap!
Anyway, I was feeling very positive and energized and then some young jerk college kid comes around the corner, sees me and blurts out “Woa! That’s a TON of man.” out loud to his girlfriend. I kept walking … wondering if I just heard what I thought I did. Before what just happened could register in my mind they were gone, so I just kept shopping. Karlie didn’t hear it, she was down the isle. On the surface I just blew it off like I have soooooo many times in the past but it just kept festering and festering until all I could think about was slamming my fist in that guys face. I started acting cranky and impatient with my family as we shopped and we got out of there like an hour later.
We got home and started unloading the groceries. I broke down in tears but mostly in anger. How could someone be so rude. I am TRYING to change, I am TRYING to stay positive and motivated, then some cocky kid blows what little self esteem I have left out of the water! I just wanted to scream “YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH!”, peppered with 4 letter words that are more befitting to a Chris Rock concert than a good ol’ Mormon boy.
After the stages of shock & anger, came depression. Thinking about starting school again, worrying about walking into a classroom of plastic chairs with a piece of wood jetting out the side for a desk. It does wonders to one’s moral starting the semester by dragging in a chair into class from another room because you are too big to sit in the provided furniture.
I think emotions are running extra high because now I have chosen to face the problem instead of ignoring it. The reason I want to punch some guy I don’t know, who is worth less than the 99 cent box of fat free, low sodium crackers I was holding… it’s because I am doing everything in my power to change… and that’s a good thing.
Well sorry for the novel but it made me feel a lot better.