When I started out I was a depressed, Fatty Mc Fat Fat. Now I am a happy Fatty Mc Fat Fat. Why? because I am filled with hope. I am seeing the results of my hard work and know that I CAN do this because I AM doing it. Getting to where I am has been as much of mental battle as a physical battle. It is hard to admit you are your own problem. In order to start at over 500lbs and begin to turn your life around, you really have to come to terms with some deep seeded problems.
It’s hard to describe the battle of morbid obesity to those who have never struggled. Looking at myself in an honest, NO BULL, kind of way was and still is hard. We make exceptions for ourselves. In order to survive, I would tell myself it was like a sense of humor, it is just who I am. I actually convinced myself that I was happy being fat and that everyone should just accept who I was … then I grew up!
It all started when I tried out for the Biggest Loser. In order to try out I had to admit to myself I had a BIG problem. After not getting called back for TBL I decided in my head that the only why I was going to get out of this was the extreme, so that is when I decided I needed to get weight loss surgery. I started the ball rolling, met with all the doctors I needed to … After confronting the problem, came the depression, the anger and the desperation. Through my blog, and the blogging community, I found not only people who told me the truth about my situation but encouraged and offered stories and examples of success.
I am happier and healthier already. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to be shopping at the Big N’ Tall for a while, and not because I am getting taller. I still have a long way to go, but 100lbs is within my reach and getting there by the end of this week is not crazy to think about. It is so empowering to make the decision to do it. I had heard people who have said that you just need to make the decision to do it. I thought I had made the decision many times before in my life but there is a difference between deciding you don’t want to be fat anymore and deciding to DO SOMETHING about it. Deciding you don’t want to be fat is easy. Who wants to be fat? Deciding to DO SOMETHING is different. It means YOU have made the decision for yourself. It is not someone else’s suggestion, some half-assed commitment you make after downing a whole punch bowl of ice cream. For me, it’s simple. In order to be successful loosing weight, the passion to lose the weight HAS to be greater than my passion for eating. My passion for eating will NEVER go away. Food is amazing and tasty and fun and it makes me feel happy. Loosing weight isn’t fun but stepping on the scale and realizing that I am loosing an average of 1.5 -2 lbs a day makes it worth it.
Bottom line, you will never succeed if you continue to lie to yourself. I never realized how dishonest I was with myself. How many times I told myself lies about who I was and what I should settle for. Take a long look in the mirror. Literally stand there and soak it up. It’s you. If you don’t like what you see, DO SOMETHING. Reality sucks when you are fat. But I lived sooooo long with delusions of what reality was, and it’s worse. When you start believing that what sucks about yourself is normal or “part of who I am”, you acknowledge that you suck and are living with it.
Weight, addiction, whatever it is, you deserve more than what you have chosen for yourself. You deserve TRUE happiness even joy. Not the crappy, suck fest you have settled for. The difference between successful is not amazing ability, natural talent or advanced education. Success is doing the things that EVERYONE COULD do, the things EVERYONE SHOULD do, but that FEW ACTUALLY DO. You choose each day if you are successful. What will YOU choose today?